MALUM

NOTICE: All Paintings are my property and protected under Copyright. They belong to my dark inner world and shall be displayed here for as long as I see fit. Use them figuratively and literally at your own risks.

Everytime I fall asleep, I hope to descend back to the corridors. To spiral downward to this dark realm where everything is dismal and silent. There, reason is useless and imagination is stagnant. Nothing makes sense and only certain objects scattered here and there remind you of the mortal world. Light never manifests itself and everything that is perceivable is so because of a blueish tint that seems to irradiate from the shadows. The kind of sight you get from watching the night fall from within a forest of dense trees and cold dirt.

No matter what is about to happen, you know inwardly that it is going to be dismal and will connect you to all the horrors that dwell within. I have seen spirits with elongated faces that wander in hospital corridors, stimulating the patients cancers by latching on to them. I revisited my childhood house where someone hanged itself in the bedroom I used to sleep in and gazed at the symbols written on the walls on the way down to the basement. There was also this dream in which a shadow was standing next to me and violently grabbed my arm as if to absorb something out of it while a Tchaikovsky song was playing in the background.

The worst happening where I descended deeper, was when my second mother died of cancer while I was away on a trip. I did not knew that she had passed away but I still dreamt that night that I was driving on a gloomy road on which I was barely seeing ahead. I had to stop the car at some point and get outside of the vehicle only to realize that animals were hanged on trees all around me.

Some people call those happenings ‘nightmares’ but in a way, they are a different approach to a paradise. Yes, there are distant howlings of pain or nearly inaudible whispers that are tempting you to step further into madness. But there is also – at times – complete silence and stillness. No purpose, no desires, no consciousness and most of all, no necessities. Everything simply unfolds as it should and you cannot bypass all the horrors, the madness and the macabre unless you manage to inwardly yell so loud that you awake from the dream.

Unfortunately, the gates to this realm of perdition and sorrow only ever open themselves to human beings a few times throughout their causal existence. The first time you pass through, you are unaware of what is about to be carved on the soul. The next time you go under, you know immediately that you lost yourself once again or leaped too far to this place where you should not have astrally wandered. ‘oh no, I know this place’. That is the last bit of consciousness you have before all the darkness swallows you and demons starts pouring a viscous black bile down your throat.

Beldam